Thank you for sharing this, your vulnerability is so admirable!
You’re fostering such an incredible safe space and I think it’s a true testament that you’re on the right path
I’m only 21 but this past summer after my graduation I read the book “we can do hard things”. There’s something in there for everyone and it gave me a sense of clarity postgrad to move into the things that were a full body yes. We live in constant overstimulation and it really challenged me to reflect on the algorithms of my life and to question if I was creating my own algorithms or if the algorithms were creating me? If I was truly chasing my version of success or what society tells us about success
Monica! I’m going to look into this book, thank you for sharing. I took the safe (algorithm created) path for a long time, and I Ioved it for the first 10 years of my career — until one day I didn’t anymore. That change of heart was such a disorienting experience but one that I’m so grateful for now. I actually feel so much differently now than when I wrote this in June so maybe I need to do a follow up :)
If you end up reading I hope you love it! I know I plan to revisit it every year - all of my friends have been trading it around and annotating it
It’s CRAZY how much can change in just a few months, I would love to read your follow up☺️
Ive been feeling similar to your June post like my ambitions have no where to truly root themselves YET but this was a comforting reminder that it will all always come full circle. These are the lessons that prep us for the right opportunities
I am binge reading every suggested "Reader Favorite" since subscribing to False Start this morning. Thank you for this piece. It reminded me that I once felt as you did. The exhausted, cynical, burnt out version of myself enabled me to completely change my life - move to the French Riviera, quit my job, seek out a slower life for a while. But in the last 2 years, I realized that despite those freeing and empowering choices that made sense for me at the time, I feel so behind in my career. The lesson learned is, we can never have it all. The best we can aim for is a healthy balance and autonomy in our choices, knowing that there are pros and cons to the choices we make in life. And look how far your professional frustration has gotten you today - an incredible freelance career and a community following you because of it :)
Sara!! I recently re-read this piece and felt mildly embarrassed for being so vulnerable online. But ultimately, I’m glad I wrote it because it serves as a useful reminder. I feel so far away from the feelings I described here, which is wonderful, but it’s also difficult to remember how far I’ve come. I’m glad it served the same purpose for you too :)
100%! The hard feelings must be felt otherwise we do not have motivation to change or improve our lives. And as you said, written memories are the best reminder of how far we have come!
Kate!!! I feel like I just read a page from my diary. This all resonates so deeply with me, and I could discuss this at length for way too long (or maybe the perfect amount of time, since it's obviously needed!).
Thanks for your vulnerability and sending these words out into the world. If you (or anyone else in the comments) are looking to dive more into this, I had a lot of ah-ha moments myself reading "Ambition Monster" by Jennifer Romolini.
I'm so glad this resonated. I've heard of "Ambition Monster" and have avoided it because I'm worried it might hit a little too close to home :) I'm going to try it out soon and will keep you posted. My DMs are always open if you want to chat further.
Loving the pencils, lol. Actually crazy that in 2012-2018 hustle was a good word, and now it's become kind of a bad one!?!? I love my job, but little Julia definitely thought that reaching the top would feel a lot differently. Like you know, maybe I'd have a Porsche and a mansion by now? 😅😅😅
Totally. Maybe I’m brainwashed from the hustle culture we grew up with but I genuinely love working hard and I think that’s partially why I feel so confused right now. I don’t quite know where to direct my effort.
This couldn't come at a better time. I'm only 25 but already feel like the doors are closed and I'll never get to do the job I dreamed of. Thank you for sharing this. It must have been difficult.
Miranda! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. You are so young and have a lot of time to pursue your dream job. It's natural for careers to ebb and flow (like you, I'm in a downturn right now), but I hope you can find a bit of optimism for the future. I'm trying to tap into mine, too.
Kate! I have sooooo much to say on this topic and am happy to share my experience with you. But what I will say here, right now, is this: you are not alone in feeling this way. Obviously you know this based on your reader responses, but I'm talking more about how you might feel amongst those closest to you. You may very well feel alone in these feelings.
You'll want to rush past this liminal space, but don't confuse being in motion with *actually* moving through it. Moving through it feels more like undoing and not doing -- though not always in the "sit still and meditate" kind of way. More like engaging in wonder, beauty, awe, play, and spontaneity. This type of "mini-c" creativity will make you adaptable, flexible, resourceful, and responsive to an ever-changing world that looks nothing like we were brought up to prepare for. (I wrote more about this here: https://alisonzamora.substack.com/p/trying-to-figure-it-out)
You will redefine what ambition and success mean to you.
You will pay certain taxes during this time -- a status tax and an identity tax. You will see the people around you misunderstand (or maybe not even understand at all) who you are... and who you are becoming. This is okay. It is their projection and perception, not yours.
A really beautiful piece.
Thank you for sharing this, your vulnerability is so admirable!
You’re fostering such an incredible safe space and I think it’s a true testament that you’re on the right path
I’m only 21 but this past summer after my graduation I read the book “we can do hard things”. There’s something in there for everyone and it gave me a sense of clarity postgrad to move into the things that were a full body yes. We live in constant overstimulation and it really challenged me to reflect on the algorithms of my life and to question if I was creating my own algorithms or if the algorithms were creating me? If I was truly chasing my version of success or what society tells us about success
Monica! I’m going to look into this book, thank you for sharing. I took the safe (algorithm created) path for a long time, and I Ioved it for the first 10 years of my career — until one day I didn’t anymore. That change of heart was such a disorienting experience but one that I’m so grateful for now. I actually feel so much differently now than when I wrote this in June so maybe I need to do a follow up :)
If you end up reading I hope you love it! I know I plan to revisit it every year - all of my friends have been trading it around and annotating it
It’s CRAZY how much can change in just a few months, I would love to read your follow up☺️
Ive been feeling similar to your June post like my ambitions have no where to truly root themselves YET but this was a comforting reminder that it will all always come full circle. These are the lessons that prep us for the right opportunities
Exactly! Also, I just realized Glennon Doyle is one of the authors of the book so now I NEED to read it. Love her.
I am binge reading every suggested "Reader Favorite" since subscribing to False Start this morning. Thank you for this piece. It reminded me that I once felt as you did. The exhausted, cynical, burnt out version of myself enabled me to completely change my life - move to the French Riviera, quit my job, seek out a slower life for a while. But in the last 2 years, I realized that despite those freeing and empowering choices that made sense for me at the time, I feel so behind in my career. The lesson learned is, we can never have it all. The best we can aim for is a healthy balance and autonomy in our choices, knowing that there are pros and cons to the choices we make in life. And look how far your professional frustration has gotten you today - an incredible freelance career and a community following you because of it :)
Sara!! I recently re-read this piece and felt mildly embarrassed for being so vulnerable online. But ultimately, I’m glad I wrote it because it serves as a useful reminder. I feel so far away from the feelings I described here, which is wonderful, but it’s also difficult to remember how far I’ve come. I’m glad it served the same purpose for you too :)
100%! The hard feelings must be felt otherwise we do not have motivation to change or improve our lives. And as you said, written memories are the best reminder of how far we have come!
This was needed!
Thank you for reading! <3
So, so beautifully said. All of this resonates DEEPLY. Thank you for sharing!
I’m so glad 🫶🏼 thank you for reading!!
ARE YOU ME?
We will get through it 🫶🏼 I’m also here anytime you want to chat!
Thank you for sharing ❤️🩹
Thank you for reading 🫶🏼
I loved this. Thanks for sharing, Kate.
Kate!!! I feel like I just read a page from my diary. This all resonates so deeply with me, and I could discuss this at length for way too long (or maybe the perfect amount of time, since it's obviously needed!).
Thanks for your vulnerability and sending these words out into the world. If you (or anyone else in the comments) are looking to dive more into this, I had a lot of ah-ha moments myself reading "Ambition Monster" by Jennifer Romolini.
I'm so glad this resonated. I've heard of "Ambition Monster" and have avoided it because I'm worried it might hit a little too close to home :) I'm going to try it out soon and will keep you posted. My DMs are always open if you want to chat further.
So well written. Thank you for your vulnerability and courage in sharing. You are on such a beautiful path!
Loving the pencils, lol. Actually crazy that in 2012-2018 hustle was a good word, and now it's become kind of a bad one!?!? I love my job, but little Julia definitely thought that reaching the top would feel a lot differently. Like you know, maybe I'd have a Porsche and a mansion by now? 😅😅😅
Totally. Maybe I’m brainwashed from the hustle culture we grew up with but I genuinely love working hard and I think that’s partially why I feel so confused right now. I don’t quite know where to direct my effort.
This couldn't come at a better time. I'm only 25 but already feel like the doors are closed and I'll never get to do the job I dreamed of. Thank you for sharing this. It must have been difficult.
Miranda! Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. You are so young and have a lot of time to pursue your dream job. It's natural for careers to ebb and flow (like you, I'm in a downturn right now), but I hope you can find a bit of optimism for the future. I'm trying to tap into mine, too.
Kate! I have sooooo much to say on this topic and am happy to share my experience with you. But what I will say here, right now, is this: you are not alone in feeling this way. Obviously you know this based on your reader responses, but I'm talking more about how you might feel amongst those closest to you. You may very well feel alone in these feelings.
You'll want to rush past this liminal space, but don't confuse being in motion with *actually* moving through it. Moving through it feels more like undoing and not doing -- though not always in the "sit still and meditate" kind of way. More like engaging in wonder, beauty, awe, play, and spontaneity. This type of "mini-c" creativity will make you adaptable, flexible, resourceful, and responsive to an ever-changing world that looks nothing like we were brought up to prepare for. (I wrote more about this here: https://alisonzamora.substack.com/p/trying-to-figure-it-out)
You will redefine what ambition and success mean to you.
You will pay certain taxes during this time -- a status tax and an identity tax. You will see the people around you misunderstand (or maybe not even understand at all) who you are... and who you are becoming. This is okay. It is their projection and perception, not yours.
Love this, Alison. Thank you for sharing. I've recently returned to The Artist's Way to tap into creativity and play for this exact reason!
This is wonderful, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading xx